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??????3?????????????????I???????????????????Fara Jones???????LCSW??????

?? 2012年7月5日 ???

我现在与之合作的许多家庭正在为即将上大学的青少年生活中最重要的里程碑之一做准备。

There are several stages of logistical, emotional and psychological preparation inherent in this transitional time, which begins with the college application process. What is notable from the perspective of many of the parents I work with today is how much more intense and rigorous it is for our teens than it was for ourselves back in the day. Whether it's high school juniors working their tails off for good grades, padding their transcripts with extra-curriculars, and working with tutors to obtain the SAT/ACT scores they need to apply to their colleges of choice, or seniors polishing their personal essays, completing their applications, and suffering the waiting game from submission to acceptance, the trials and tribulations of this process affects not only the adolescent, but the family as a whole.

?????????????? ?? ??????????????????????????????????????? 我认为这些是大学的绝佳选择!你去吧! ????? 如果您再努力一点,我敢打赌,您毕竟可以进入那所可及的学校! ??????? 我无法将您发送到美国的#1党校! )不仅会引导您的青少年获得积极的大学经历,而且还将引导其独立,自立和对自己的行为负责的能力,这是年轻人自己冒险的所有关键技能。

因此,这对于父母与青少年之间的情感生活意味着什么?期待这一过程与青春期叛乱的早期阶段平行( 仅仅因为您和父亲要我去那所大学并不意味着我就必须去那所大学! ?? ??? ? 有什么大不了的!截止日期是明天!????? 算了吧。我会呆在麦当劳(McDonald s)工作! ??????????????????????????????? I don't waaaaaant to learn how to do my own laundry.”??????? 我为什么不拥有自己的大学信用卡?我几乎是一个成年人! ). Sound familiar If it does, just remember: Don't give up on being a strong, loving, and consistent parent.

The college-bound teen will push your buttons, push the limits of authority and control, and then push herself right back into your lap when you least expect it. Be patient. Be clear and direct. Be ready for anything. And as ever, don't take it personally when they express love and affection to their peers and save their temperamental and moody selves for you. This dynamic serves a purpose. First, it is a necessary training ground for them as they learn how and when to express uncomfortable feelings. It is in the safety of their own homes where they can release said emotions without fear of rejection (like they might experience with their peers), and it is with the help of parental patience, support and guidance that they will learn to regulate and express their feelings appropriately. It is also developmentally appropriate as they continue their trajectory away from their families and toward their social and romantic relationships, which will be necessary for them to live satisfying adult lives.

Do let them know when they have crossed a line and hurt the feelings of others, but don't belabor the point and make them feel responsible for your feelings. You can (and should!) talk to your therapist, your partner or your friends about that. Do trust that you are planting the seeds not only of independence, but also of respect for you and your parenting. Don't expect immediate gratitude, but do look for the signs that they have internalized what you have taught them. Look for self-reliance, their ability to use dryer sheets, and the fact that they will probably call, text, email or Skype with you more in the first few months they are away than in their entire adolescent lives. Let that be your reward.

向您的父母,2012年毕业班的同学以及我们未来的毕业生(祝我们讲到这些,他们正在制作通心粉项链,并在头发上浇上金光闪闪)表示好运。

?? ??????????Park Slope??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????fara@brooklynletters.com???917-359-3335?????

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