When a child has experienced a significant loss, such as the death of a parent, grandparent or other close family member, that child’s caregiver has a significant responsibility in helping the child to mourn in a healthy way. In my last essay, I wrote about some strategies that parents or caregivers can use with their children in the midst and immediate aftermath of this kind of family loss.
Grieving, however, is not a quick process, and children need support over time to help them process and adjust to a death. Grieving cannot be completed in a healthy way unless the child has space to express his or her feelings about their loss, and for many children that self-expression happens through imaginative play.
Several years ago, before I started incorporating play materials into my practice, I provided the children that I worked with in therapy with musical instruments only. Over time, I discovered that I would be a play therapist whether I wanted to be one or not — all of my small percussion instruments quickly became characters in the various dramatic enactments that my child clients created. One time, a six-year- old child lined up every small percussion instrument in my office — maracas, jingle bells, egg shakers, mallets, etc. — behind a box-shaped drum called a slit drum and announced that this was the funeral procession that was leading up to the burial of the red maraca’s father. I assisted him, per his instruction, in moving the procession of guests toward the imaginary cemetery, located under the piano bench.
This child was working on his feelings about his own father’s death in a very direct, concrete way, but a child’s means of working through feelings of grief through play can be variable, depending on the types of feelings that the child is coping with inside. Caregivers might also witness anger or aggression in a child’s play, where the characters will yell or behave violently toward each other. Play is the way that children express what is happening in their psyche. Often it is a good idea to find a play therapist to help your child work through their feelings with play.
If, as a parent or caregiver, there are opportunities to observe a child at play, healing and restorative themes can also be witnessed. I once worked with a seven-year- old girl whose mother had died in the hospital. When I arrived at her home for our visit, she had gathered every single doll she owned around the bed and explained to me that this was a hospital, and each of these children were here to be treated. She listed their diagnoses one by one, ranging from a broken arm to cancer (the disease that had killed her mother). She then told me that one of those dolls wanted to sing a lullaby to another, and asked me to play the guitar. She began to improvise words and a melody, speaking through the dolls (and, metaphorically, to herself) about why it was going to be okay and how she could be soothed.
A very important task of grieving, once the myriad feelings have been expressed and worked on through therapy, play, the arts, or all three, is to relocate the deceased person and find a way to establish a new relationship with him or her. For many adults and children alike, this means finding ways to connect to memories and feel a sense of the deceased person’s presence. Often we find that connection in religious institutions or at a burial or memorial site, but it is helpful to have other ways to remember and connect to that important person. A variety of art projects or ways of connecting to nature can help children to memorialize the person they have lost, and the final product can be kept as a keepsake and memory of that person’s love.
As a closing thought, it is important for parents and caregivers to remember that a child’s experience of grief can be an ongoing process that changes over time. In addition to changes in intensity as certain feeling states or life adjustments are worked through, a child will be faced with the task of renegotiating the meaning of his or her loss again and again as he or she grows and must address the impact of missing the important person during important life milestones. Imagine, for instance, a ten-year-old who loses her mother. Even if that child completed a healthy grieving process in the couple of years immediately following her mother’s death, she will doubtless revisit its meaning and the corresponding pain when she reaches major life milestones such as puberty, her first romantic attachment, graduation from high school, etc.
Loss is a part of life that is always difficult, but with attention and attunement it is possible for parents and caregivers to make a child’s grieving process one that is ultimately meaningful and healing.
Meghan is a licensed creative arts therapist and a board-certified music therapist with over ten years of experience working with children, adolescents and adults. At her private practice in Brooklyn, she incorporates Depth Psychology, Vocal Psychotherapy and In-Depth Music Therapy to work with children and adults struggling with loss in their lives and with those who are looking for a creative way to understand themselves. Her style of therapy is client-led, and focuses on self- expression through music and/or the creative process. She can be reached at: meghan@brooklynletters.com or by phone at 646-450-1644. Learn more about music psychotherapy at http://MeghanHinman.com
Tags: abandonment, anger, anxiety, bereaved children, Brooklyn, Brooklyn Letters, child's grieving process, children and grieving, cognitive development, continuity, coping with death, creative arts therapist, death in the family, emotional development, emotional loss, funerals, grief counselors, grieving rituals, guilt, healing grief, LCAT, licensed creative arts therapist, MA, Megan Hinman Music and Play Therapist, Meghan Hinman, MT-BC, Music Therapy, nurturance, peer pressure, play therapy, relating to loss, sadness, stages of grief, support, surviving parent, talking to children about death
A child sits up in his hospital bed for the first time in days. He looks out the window and draws the bluish-gray sky, the buildings, and some white clouds. Then, he lightly draws a figure coming out of the clouds. “Superman!” he exclaims as he holds up his piece and flexes his arm in identification with his image.
A woman, struggling to maintain sobriety, works with found objects in a community park. “This is a staircase going down into the ground”, she says as she points to the freshly painted steps she’s just hammered together. “I’m calling it ‘Never Ending Journey’ because that’s how I feel today.”
A group of highly volatile adolescents are asked to make “nothing” out of scrap wood, pinecones and stones. The sculptures are exotic and the laughter is contagious.
Although very brief in description, each of the above vignettes reveals a peak into the power of art therapy and the importance of nature within and around all that we make. As we enter into a creative process, a relational dance occurs between our inner, most intimate self and the self that displays itself and collaborates with the external world. This link is the key to health and has both individual and global implications. How we manipulate matter directly impacts ourselves and our environment. Thus, creativity, in a very particular way, is essential to the healing and growth of ourselves and our earth.
Ecopsychology is based upon the belief that a culturally induced, unconscious, mental separation of people from the health sustaining, nonverbal wisdom of the natural world within and around ourselves underlies the environmental problems we face and many of the emotional disorders from which we suffer. Richard Louv, author of “Last Child in the Woods”, speaks of “nature-deficit disorder” in children and his writings have been highly useful to parents, teachers and those in helping professions. The premise of ecopsychology is to reconnect or reestablish a relationship between psyche (psychology) and nature (ecology). Theories from ecopsychology suggest that the needs of the planet are the needs of the person. Cycles of nature such as weather, lunar cycles, and seasonal changes, marked by winter solstice, spring equinox and Samhain (or Halloween) can also be sources of connection between psyche and nature. Theodore Roszak (Roszak, Gomes and Kanner, 1995) says that these natural occurrences are happening all the time, wherever we are in a skyscraper apartment in an urban environment or on the top of Mt. Olympus.
Art Therapy has a pivotal role in facilitating these connections. Creating with and within nature allows for a deepening or brand new relationship within and beyond the self. The concept of Environmental Art Therapy is the integration of art therapy and nature and it’s practice allows for multi-dimensional therapeutic outcomes. Non-traditional materials tend to be experienced as more inviting and allows people the opportunity to have real impact on and be impacted by the environment through the act of manipulating natural and/or found matter. This is especially significant in our society where so much focus is on separation – particularly from the environment through the use of things like consumerism. The aim of Environmental Art Therapy is to offer people of all ages and places, opportunities for real contact with the environment for purposes of increasing awareness and ultimately facilitating improved physical, emotional and intellectual health.
There is much richness when a tremendously sick child can, for a moment, connect with his incredible strength, or a woman trying get through each day can discharge her struggles, and a group of teens can come together at a time when so much is changing, and laugh in the face of chaos.
Jean Davis is a licensed creative arts therapist and a registered and board-certified art therapist. She has postgraduate training in group therapy, gestalt therapy and ecopsychology and has over 15 years of experience with a wide variety of populations and in numerous settings. Currently, Jean is Chairperson for Pratt Institute’s Graduate Creative Arts Therapy Department, the program from which she graduated and in which she has served as an instructor for ten years. She has published numerous articles in professional journals and she presently serves on the editorial board for the Ecopsychology Journal. For more than a decade, she has maintained a private practice in Brooklyn, New York working with children and adults.
Tags: art therapy, ATR-BC, Brooklyn, creative process, creativity, ditmas park, ecology & psychology, ecopsychology, emotional disorders, emotional health, Environmental Art Therapy, integration art therapy, intellectual health, Jean Davis, LCAT, licensed creative arts therapist, lunar cycles, multi-dimensional therapeutic outcomes, nature-deficit disorder, nonverbal wisdom, physical health, seasonal changes, the power of art therapy, winter solstice
Most parents hope that they will never have to see their young children exposed to the pain of loss. But we live in a world where life is finite, and many families with young children are faced with the difficulty of coping with the death of someone close. Parents and other caregivers often struggle with how to address and support a child’s grieving process, which is especially difficult and complex when the parents are having their own painful experience of grief at the same time.
Anyone who has lost someone close has learned that grieving is a process that takes time, and necessitates difficult tasks. We have to accept the reality of our loss, experience the pain and other emotional aspects of the loss, adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing and, eventually, find a new way to relate to the deceased person. Children need to work through these stages just as adults do, but a child’s experience of these tasks will be different depending on their cognitive and emotional development. Death is a taboo subject in our culture, and talking to children about death can be extremely frightening for parents. But when a death has occurred or is imminent, it’s vital to speak openly with children, allow them to ask questions, and give developmentally appropriate answers.
How do parents identify developmentally appropriate answers? Well, some of it is about knowing your child. But it also helps to understand what happens in typical emotional and cognitive development. For instance, most children under five years old haven’t grasped the concepts of permanence and irreversibility– that means that you may need to repeat “Grandma has died, and she won’t ever come back” many times, over a period of months, before your child can understand what that means. Many children under five years old are also prone what is called “magical thinking,” ascribing meaning and/or causality based on fantasy. This could take the form of a thought like, “I told my teddy bear that I hate my mommy, and that made my mommy die,” or “something bad happened to Grandpa because I wouldn’t give him a hug.”
Children who are 5 to 7 years old are most vulnerable to the negative effects of grief, because they are mature enough to understand the concept of death, but they haven’t yet developed the ego or social skills to cope easily with the resulting emotional experience of grief. The most common emotions experienced by grieving children include sadness, anxiety, guilt, and anger– and these emotions may emerge immediately after a death, or not until 1-2 years later. Children may worry about their personal safety or the safety of other family members, they may worry about abandonment, and they may experience teasing from peers.
So what can help a child to get through a grief experience most effectively? The answer is support, nurturance, and continuity. Especially after the death of a parent, bereaved children rely strongly on their surviving parent, and are greatly affected by the functioning of that parent. Participation in grieving rituals– such as attendance at funerals, and even help with planning– is extremely helpful in leading children to understand and adjust to a death. Children also adjust better after a death in the family if they have had to cope with fewer daily life changes, so trying to maintain routines can be of vital assistance.
The most important thing that a parent can do for a child who is grieving is to really tune in to what the child is thinking, feeling, and experiencing. A child who has experienced a loss needs extra security and validation, which comes from feeling understood and heard during the grieving process, especially by the child’s parent. This can be challenging when the parent is also experiencing his or her own grieving process, and other family members as well as grief counselors can help. That most important piece, though, is the parent-child love and attachment, and its ability to prevail and sustain even in the midst of grief and tragedy.
In my years of working with children who have experienced loss, I’ve watched kids and parents alike struggle with the complex and intense emotional processes of grief. It’s truly a process that can only be moved “through,” and not avoided, walked around, or hurdled over. But in healing grief, and in walking that difficult road together, kids and parents can form even stronger ties to each other, and approach life with true appreciation for what can be felt, shared, and experienced.
In a future post, I will write more about how children can adjust to grief over time, how families can help their children to develop and nurture an ongoing relationship with someone who has deceased, and how grief counseling and music and play therapy can help children who are coping with complicated grief.
Meghan is a licensed creative arts therapist and a board-certified music therapist with over ten years of experience working with babies, children, adolescents and adults. At her private practice in Brooklyn, she incorporates Depth Psychology, Vocal Psychotherapy and In-Depth Music Therapy to work with children and adults struggling with loss in their lives and with those who are looking for a creative way to understand themselves. Her style of therapy is client-led, and focuses on self-expression through music and/or the creative process. She can be reached at: meghan@brooklynlearning.com or by phone at 646-450-1644. www.brooklynlearning.com
Tags: abandonment, anger, anxiety, bereaved children, Brooklyn, Brooklyn Letters, causality based on fantasy, child's grieving process, children and grieving, cognitive development, continuity, coping with death, creative arts therapist, death in the family, emotional development, emotional loss, funerals, grief counselors, grieving rituals, guilt, healing grief, LCAT, licensed creative arts therapist, MA, magical thinking, Megan Hinman Music and Play Therapist, Meghan Hinman, MT-BC, Music Therapy, nurturance, peer pressure, play therapy, relating to loss, sadness, stages of grief, support, surviving parent, talking to children about death, teasing from peers
Melodies of Motherhood, a series of new groups run by a licensed clinical social worker and a licensed creative arts therapist, offer unique opportunities for new and expecting Mothers in Park Slope. The 15-week program will provide support from professional therapists as well as an education component and a unique creative arts-oriented perspective. The group will include:
- understanding attachment bonding
- the construction of a unique lullaby just for your baby
- promoting healthy development through music and play
- support and strategies for coping with stress
- suggestions for using music during labor and delivery (for the pre-natal group only)
Bond with your baby, learn, and get support! Groups will form and begin to meet in early April. Expecting mothers and new mothers with infants are welcome to join this group. We will meet weekly for 15 weeks.
For more information or to register, call 646-450-1644 or email: meghan@brooklynlearning.com
To print out the flyer please click here: Mommy Group Flyer
Meghan L. Hinman, MA, MT-BC, LCAT
music psychotherapy for children and adults
New York City
www.MeghanHinman.com
Tags: attachment bonding, bonding with your baby, Brooklyn, Brooklyn Letters, coping with stress, creative arts therapist, expecting mothers, healthy development through music, healthy development through play, infants, licensed clinical social worker, licensed creative arts therapist, Meghan Hinman, Melodies of Motherhood, music and play for new moms, music during delivery, music during labor, Music Psychotherapist, music psychotherapy, new mothers, Park Slope mothers, prenatal group, support group
My name is Meghan Hinman, and I am a music psychotherapist. I’m very excited to be joining the Brooklyn Letters team and to be contributing my first blog entry. Music therapy is widely misunderstood, and I thought the best way to start writing about it here would be to address some of the typical questions and misconceptions about my field that tend to come up.
For most people, the idea of music being therapeutic seems pretty logical. But did you know that music therapists are highly educated professionals with specialized, standardized training? Music therapists in New York state are licensed psychotherapists (meaning you can go see one, just as you might go see a psychologist for private psychotherapy, and your insurance company might pay for it). The potential benefits of this modality are much greater than most people realize.
Misconception #1: A music therapist is a person who shows up with an iPod and tells you what songs you should listen to.
This couldn’t be farther from the truth! Music therapists are musicians (required to be proficient on piano, guitar, and voice, plus music theory, sight-singing, conducting…) who usually utilize live, active music making with their clients. When recorded music is used (which isn’t typical), a music therapy session is still grounded in the interaction between therapist and client, and encapsulates much more than just listening to songs.
Misconception #2: You have to be a musician to benefit from music therapy.
Music therapy is not about performing or having a certain level of musicianship skills– it is simply about being human. In music psychotherapy sessions, there is often a focus on talk therapy or therapeutic play and sometimes very little actual music is used.
Misconception #3: Music therapy can be facilitated by anyone.
It’s true that everyone is capable of using music in a therapeutic way, but music therapy is a career field that has standardized training, just like medicine, law, social work, or any other professional career. A music therapist is someone who has earned a four-year bachelors degree or two-year masters degree (or both!) from a music therapy university program; there are more than 70 schools around the United States with such programs. There are other practitioners who have been trained in using music to help people (music practitioners, harp therapists, music thanatologists), and they can do wonderful things with music, but only music therapy requires university-level training that includes psychology, human development, and the therapeutic use of music. In New York state, the LCAT (licensed creative arts therapist) license protects consumers by guaranteeing that music therapy licensees are highly trained and competent to practice psychotherapy.
Misconception #4: Music therapy is a new thing.
The idea of music as a tool for healing is as old as music itself– however, music therapy as a modern career field actually began after the second World War, serving veterans for whom talk therapy and other forms of rehabilitation just weren’t enough. The first music therapy university training program was founded in the midwest in the 1940’s, and the first national governing body for music therapists was founded in 1950.
Misconception #5: Music therapy is fun, but not useful for addressing serious issues.
Sometimes it’s true that participating in music therapy can be fun– but the word “fun” is somewhat misleading. The inherent qualities of music, including its structure, predictability, familiarity, the way we feel it in our bodies, and its potential for voicing a range of emotions, are what helps to make “serious issues” easier to tackle through and with the music than they might be otherwise. That’s why a child who has never been able to say “I’m sad that my parents got divorced” can sing those same words with the support of the music and music therapist. It’s why a teenager who has refused to talk to any therapist before is suddenly opening up around discussions of her favorite music. And it’s why an adult who complains, “I can’t get out of my head” chooses a music psychotherapist to help him investigate his feelings of depression and anxiety.
Misconception #6: Music therapy is only for children.
Music therapy is a wonderful intervention for children, as it easily works hand in hand with play therapy. Play and creativity come naturally to many children, and they lack the inhibitions that adults tend to bring to the table when it comes to the arts. Most children don’t worry about whether they are singing or playing an instrument “right,” they’re just thrilled to be engaging in the process! But music reaches adults too, and powerfully so– just in different ways. Think of how Beethoven, Bernstein, and the Beatles have moved adults and changed the world with their music. Why should such a powerful tool be reserved only for children? Music engages the emotional centers of the brain– the ones that are hard to access through cognitive processes such as talking and analyzing– and this makes it an ideal modality for adults and families, in addition to children, when a psychotherapy intervention is needed. What the actual therapy process looks and feels like in session is very different for children than it is for adults, just like in any psychotherapy modality.
Misconception #7: Music therapy is a new-age therapy.
There are music therapists who would consider themselves part of the new-age movement, but music therapy is a broad field with great variation among its professionals. There are music therapists focused on the neurological and rehabilitative applications of music therapy, on school-based and special education applications, on recreational and activity-therapy related applications, on behavior modification and positive reinforcement applications, and on psychodynamic and emotional applications of music therapy.
Misconception #8: Music therapists are not “real” therapists.
Music therapists are recognized members of interdisciplinary treatment teams in schools and many types of facilities throughout the country and the world. In New York, they are also qualified with the LCAT license to provide private psychotherapy services. If you’re curious, pursue treatment– or just a process of self-discovery– with me or another music psychotherapist. You’ll learn how “real” a therapeutic tool music can be, and the unique therapeutic expertise that music therapists have to offer.
Meghan is a licensed creative arts therapist and a board-certified music therapist with over ten years of experience working with babies, children, adolescents and adults. At her private practice in Brooklyn, she incorporates Depth Psychology, Vocal Psychotherapy and In-Depth Music Therapy to work with children and adults struggling with loss in their lives and with those who are looking for a creative way to understand themselves. Her style of therapy is client-led, and focuses on self-expression through music and/or the creative process. She can be reached at: meghan@brooklynlearning.com or by phone at 646-450-1644. www.brooklynlearning.com
Tags: active music, activity-therapy, Beatles, Beethoven, behavior modification, Brooklyn, Brooklyn Letters, cognitive processes, conducting, human development, LCAT, licensed creative arts therapist, licensed psychotherapists, Meghan Hinman Music Psychotherapist, Music Psychotherapist, music theory, Music Therapy, musicians, neurological applications, Park Slope, play therapy, positive reinforcement, private psychotherapy, private psychotherapy services, psychodynamic, psychology, rehabilitative applications, self-discovery, sight-singing, special education, talk therapy, therapeutic play, therapist client interaction, voicing emotions
